Chapter 3: Make Me the Villain

2 days ago
3 min read

Have you ever felt really, really, really angry? Not just frustrated or peeved or annoyed. No, I'm talking real rage - anger due to another's selfishness, arrogance, or unjust behavior.

Anger that leads to revenge plots.

Brainstorming vigilante names.

Wanting to punch something.

I don't feel angry too often. It's not worth it most of the time. But unjust behavior towards me or the people I love really, really gets my goat. And I tend to be on the confrontational side of things, so taking action is my go-to response. Righting the wrong. Correcting the inaccuracy. Placing all the ducks back into the proper row.

But as I'm sure we've all experienced, even if the argument is "won," a person who is determined to hate or sow discord in your life, will continue to do so regardless. In my wise old age of 26, I find that hatred has little to do with logic or truth. It's an excuse to act against someone in a way that usurps the conscience. And no matter how kind or compassionate or sensitive you try to be, there will always be someone that irrationally hates you.

Actually, it probably has nothing to do with you--it's simply a stance they take to get a laugh, attention, a platform, leverage, etc.

And they have chosen you to play the villain.

In the summer of 2024, while I was living in London, I had one of these instances, specifically within the music industry. I don't get to perform live often - partly because my voiceover schedule is quite busy, partly because my style of music doesn't fit the typical gig culture. Pianos are awkward to travel with and my original stuff isn't suited for background music. And if your music is misplaced or in front of the wrong audience, it does not come across well.

So finding a performance opportunity that fits what I offer can be few and far between.

I thought I'd found one.

Needless to say, it was the worst one yet. My performance went great; my voice was strong and the 10 people that were there had a good time.

But everything surrounding it was a disaster and so clearly not artist-focused.

When I tried to give them some professional feedback and (potentially) get some of my money back (yes, I had to pay to be a part because I wasn't able to sell any tickets), the person who responded was someone I'd never spoken to, and they issued a slew of excuses and remarks that could only be described as whiny.

All he had to say was "Thank you for your thoughts; we'll take it under consideration," because at bare minimum that meant I'd been heard.

But no, it was clear he spent seconds typing out an emotionally defensive response that lacked the necessary logic and care to prove he understood the situation.

I only replied once, ignoring the nonsensical things, but asking for clarification on a point that might end in me getting a refund.

To my chagrin, he replied with an even more chaotic email and began insinuating that it was my own fault things had gone so poorly.

It was no use to respond again.

Boy, did my competitiveness want to though. I angry-walked around Hampstead Heath for hours trying to clear away the impulse, seething as "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" danced through my headphones.

Because the man was INCORRECT. Horribly and unapologetically so.

The rage lasted for a number of days. I'd just stand in the middle of my apartment and clench and unclench my muscles to avoid tearing something apart. finally I sat at the piano, determined to flush it out of my system.

The chorus of "Make Me the Villain" is one of the quickest written of all my songs. I suppose it was the poetic version of the email I never wrote. The song served to not only strengthen my resolve in this situation, but also in many situations in the past (and those that were to come).

I can survive being framed as the villain as long as I keep fighting for what is good and right.

And the concept for this album was born.