As you read this, think about who you are right now. This person sitting in front of their computer or mobile device. What has gotten you to this point? What succession of tiny occurrences has gotten you to how you're feeling right now? Do you feel different than you did yesterday? Do you feel removed from your past? Is the person you were a few years ago even recognizable?
This is where I found myself last year. I felt removed and numb to my past. All my past motivations--decisions--I just couldn't quite remember why I had felt that way. My foundation felt like it had slowly faded away underneath me until I looked down and I saw that I was standing on nothing but air. But I wasn't falling. My foundation was still there, I had just forgotten how to see it.
Pardon the dramatics, but that is the most accurate representation of what I was feeling after my sophomore year of college. I was halfway through a degree in music that I wasn't sure I needed--plenty of artists have been successful without degrees--and I didn't know exactly what I was working towards. Did I want to be a huge mega pop-star? No. Did I want to be a professional cowriter in Nashville? No. Did I know exactly what I wanted my future to look like? Absolutely not. My head just seemed so, so cloudy. Migraines were common. I was forgetting more on a regular basis. But I knew I needed to be making music, in whatever capacity that would keep me alive.
I also knew that I needed to go to Australia. I know I've talked about this adventure a lot but
it really was such a big moment. By the grace of God, I was able to fly across the world to live in a foreign country, where I knew absolutely no one, and allow my head to reconfigure. Of course, I realize that not everyone can do this, and I wouldn't recommend yeeting to Aus every time you want to clear your head. But finding that place--your happy place--where no troubles can follow you and you can have peace for a moment is incredibly important.
While we were driving through the countryside on Phillips Island (where the Hemsworth brothers grew up), I realized I was in wonder, in awe, of the world I was seeing. I felt like I had when I was ten years old--when I didn't care what happened next or what people thought about me. I just wanted to see and learn more about the world I was looking at. I was excited but at peace, and it didn't occur to me to want any more than I had. I wondered where this feeling--this vibrant person--had gone.
I felt refreshed, rejuvenated, reborn.
But the truth is that nothing actually changed, I was just allowed to meet the child in myself again. And the funny thing about youth is that when you really allow yourself to feel it with no interruptions, it feels like the very first time.
So "First Meeting" came from trying to harness this idea. Upon first listen, it might appear that I am singing to another person with lines like "would you come to the place we knew" and "before you laugh and try to leave." But what I'm really doing is singing to the part of myself that I'd pushed away, buried under a mountain of crap and "adulting."
(See full lyric video HERE)
All that to say, this song was meant to be a start on the path of loving yourself again. Allowing your mind to see your past--your youth--through new, changed eyes. I hope that the more you listen to my songs, the further you walk down the path of self-love, and the more you can spread that love to the people around you. What a privilege we have to be on this journey of life, where the opportunities for fresh starts are limitless!!
Stream "First Meeting" now on Spotify!!!